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COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL COUPLES COUNSELING
What is Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Counseling?
The term "cognitive" refers to our thoughts, perceptions, interpretations, and beliefs. Many relationship issues are associated with biased assumptions about ourselves, our partner, the world around us, and the future. You and your partner's behaviors also affect the relationship. If left unchecked, negative automatic thinking and behavior patterns can lead to relationship problems and feelings such as depression, anger, stress, or anxiety.
In therapy, the couple and therapist are actively involved in identifying specific thinking and behavior patterns that may be giving rise to problems. The way you and your partner communicate is largely based on your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. As ingrained beliefs and contributing behaviors are revealed, new ways of perceiving and communicating can begin to take shape. Uncovering negative behavior patterns, discussing perceptions, and experimenting with new ways of interacting have been shown to improve relationships.
Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Counseling is a short-term psychotherapy, which emphasizes collaboration between clients and therapist. More focused than many other types of treatment, the course of therapy usually is three to six months, depending on the couple's particular issues.
Cognitive-Behavioral Model In a Nutshell The Cognitive-Behavioral model suggests that in any given situation, there are 3 primary factors involved. One factor pertains to our thoughts, opinions, beliefs, expectations etc. These represent our cognitions, in other words, what is going through our mind at the time. Another factor relates to our behaviors or actions, what we do in a given situation. This also includes our physiology (heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, etc.). The third factor to consider pertains to our emotional state, the feelings we have, our mood. While each of these can be thought of as distinct entities, they are all interrelated and have a large influence on each other. In fact, a change in any of these three factors results in changing the other two to some degree (see the diagram below). 
Our cognitions are heavily influenced by our environment, our culture, and the events we've lived through. When we are in a particular situation with our partner, our THOUGHTS about that event largely determine how we will FEEL about it and what ACTION we might or might not take. Similarly our mood can flavor how we think about a particular situation or how we behave. And, our behavior can influence our thoughts and emotions. In other words, all three components impact each other. Because our beliefs, expectations, and general philosophy on life are so ingrained within us, they impact us in ways we may not even be outwardly aware of. As we move through life, without even realizing it, we have been writing our own constitution, our rule-book of life, based on our experiences. We tend to take this rule-book as fact and base our current romantic relationship on it, without question. Imagine, if our lawmakers used the original U.S. Constitution of the United States as it was originally written, without any of the amendments that have been made over the years; you can see how laws that may have served some purpose in the past would be of no use and possibly cause great harm if left unchecked. Just as our country needs to make adjustment to its Constitution as the country evolves, so to do we need to unveil our personal rule books and learn more about our partner's. In this way, we can keep what is still helpful and challenge what might be harming our relationship. In Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Counseling, you and your significant other will engage in specific techniques to help uncover both of your automatic thoughts, beliefs, and expectations, allowing you to mindfully decide what might be keeping you stuck. Improved communication and behavior patterns often lead to reductions in arguments and improves satisfaction in the relationship. Couples in therapy can better understand how their beliefs, expectations, and negative behavior patterns may be giving rise to negative interactions. Learning new ways to view yourself, your partner, and your future as well as experimenting with new behaviors and communication with the support of your therapist may be the key to improving your relationship. |
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